all day long i feel ecstatic
by crustacean island
where have i been? half a month and where have i been? mostly the same place i always am. outside. doing and not doing. istanbul and birthdays and walking and floating. making food, making coffee. feeding stray dogs, welcoming puppies. rain and rain. new classes and waves of new faces, new names. beers around bonfires. meeting new locals, finding a place. fishing and sunning. short days, cold nights. mastering the art of starting fires. yanking my internal clock to a morning-centered routine, mostly not succeeding. the specters of studies. reading not nearly enough. lots of stuff about being a foreigner and what to make of this space, internally and For Real. balancing the tasks at hand with plans for the future.
i hate this language, that stuff i wrote up there, all that faux-poetic shit. but it’s the best i can do right now. i’m struggling to articulate things as they’re happening. life stuff. is moving and falling into place and settling in different ways, still scattering and forming, both. i’m watching. through the fire outside i catch a set of brown eyes i know and he says“jenna, your eyes is moving all around and can you understand us?” i dunno yet, mostly not, mostly still just watching.